Mapple Tree

I was in the fourth grade when I had this bestfriend of mine who happened to be a boy. He had this crazy, cute, messy smile which I have always stared at. He never noticed that he was my first love. I have always been wishing, HE WAS MINE.  He drinks my orange juice every recess. He shares with my umbrella every time there was rain. Every after class, he walks me home so he could spend time at home to copy some notes that I had. I also loved how we hanged out under the maple tree. I was his tutor in English because he was performing poorly. I enjoyed how we shared smiles and thoughts at that place. But I knew it, he never noticed me the way I had noticed him. I like him, I love him, but I never had the guts to tell him. I feared and I don’t know why.

We were in High School when I really dreamt of having him as my date during our prom but I was too shy to ask him because we were only friends. Best friends, we can only be. A month before the prom, he went to me very frustrated. He was telling me that his date is sick. He asked me to be the substitute of his date. I agreed. So as with the condition that we’ll be going out as friends. Just friends. The prom went well, he was staring at me while we were dancing The King and Queen of Hearts. At that moment, I wanted to tell him I love him and that I'd like to be more than his best friend. I wanted to be more than the best friend who had always been his shoulder when he had disappointments. But I was a coward. The night ended without anything that came out of my mouth. I was too shy, I was too afraid to tell the truth. He might get frustrated and our friendship could end the bad way. I’d rather not tell him how I felt than sacrifice what’s left of us.

It was our graduation day when he ran towards me. He hugged me so tight that I didn’t want to let go.  Then he kissed me on my cheek. But I knew, I shouldn’t think of anything that it could possibly mean. All I know is that we were best friends and best friends, we could ever be. He wore out his medal from his loyalty award for the school and hanged it on my neck. I was a little bit surprised. I had the most awkward face at that moment, thank God he quickly added “This is for the bestest Best friend I could ever have.” Yeah, best friend. Best friend, I could ever be. I just gave the awkward grin and bade my good bye. I wanted to tell him I love him. I wanted him to be mine. But I couldn’t, I feared.

Long months passed, we got separate lives during college. He always tried to contact me through phone and emails but I was too busy with my schooling. Read some e-mails and heard some voice mails. He was always talking about this girl he met at the bar during a freshman night. He told me he liked her and that he had plans of dating her. Every week, he sent me e-mails, I got tired of reading same stuffs about this girl so I started to ignore his messages. But that time, I still wanted him to be mine. I really do. But he liked someone and that we were best friends and Best friends we could ever be.

Years passed, I was sitting on a bench of the church watching him getting married to the girl he had talked about since college. They were happy, they told each other their vows. I was teary-eyed cause it was the end of my fantasy that one day, my best friend could ever notice the glances I gave him. I want him to be mine. But I was just a best friend, he is in love with some body. And best friend, I COULD EVER BE.

I had to live my life satisfying myself with the family I have. I know that the first love that I’ve been through was tough but it had taught me how to fight for love. I am now old, I have lost a lot. News came to me that he is already dead. I visited his funeral. I was there, he was about to be buried. Before the land closes him underneath, someone from his family read a letter he wrote way back when he was in High School. It went this way.

“My first love... I have always loved the way she cares for me, the way she had always thought of me before herself. I loved her since the brink of my life and I know I’ll love her ‘til the rest. I loved how she taught me on my weaknesses. And I loved how she smiles at me. It had always brightened up my day. I most especially love how she catches me whenever I fell down. But I never had the chance to tell her the truth. I feared, I was too shy. I was afraid that she might end the good friendship we have. I know I am just a best friend. And Best friend, I could ever be. Best friends, we could ever be.”

I felt so terrified. I just didn’t know exactly how to feel. He had loved me, he was mine. And I suddenly realized that he is being buried under the same maple tree we have always been going to.

If only...

(INSPIRATION: Friends' real-life stories and a story I've read long ago.)